In The Dead Of Night / or / Thoughts Of A Troubled Mind

Through life, i have taken the easy path Though in my mind, i have taken the most troubled one Why, in the dead of night, do my thoughts haunt me? The past holds no real relevance Except to give me some happy memories And to show me my mistakes That path is lit and can be seen clearly It is the road ahead that troubles me.... I seem to live with 'what ifs' and 'will I's' And 'will she' and will we' Why do i fear the future? I believe it is the fear, that in the end, i will lose her Like the ones gone before I do not want to feel the pain and the hurt That a lost or forsaken love brings to the heart and mind An almost unbearable feeling, leading to despair I know inside myself, this is wrong I should not let myself feel this now But i should live this life to its fullest Enjoying every moment it brings me So why do i torture myself this way? Why let myself feel the pain When there is nothing real to cause it? Just by doing this...feeling these things, It will inevitably cause the end that i do not require This has always been the case No one can be with someone who pours out emotions in a constant stream Always trying to be happy But on occassions, showing the jealousy and upset These are the things that rip and tear people apart For there is no reason for those feelings No reality or substance, no basis Life isn't like a 'box of chocolates' Life brings happiness and love It brings fear and hate Life brings anger and jealousy It brings peace and understanding The wise owl says 'balance my friend, that is the key' So why do i struggle so to attain that balance? Why can my mind not except the reality of the present Instead of always looking to the future with trepidation? I have said that a life without emotion and love Is a life half-lived But sometimes that life is appealing I have lived too long in the shadow of emotions Some real, many imagined I no longer wish to be this way I want to be free I want to be the whole person Not just one thing, to some And another to others To some, i am the 'quiet' guy To others i am the 'clown' To most i am the 'nice' guy To a few i am the 'evil' one To a handful of my closest friends i am Daryl....i am me I have no whistles and bells I have nothing hidden away I am relaxed and carefree, yet able to speak if troubled This is who i should be Never hiding Never worrying Never fearing the future Or ruminating too much on the past I want freedom Not from oppressive people or governments But from my mind I want it to be able to breathe deeply Like i would on a fresh spring morn To run free without a care As i have done through open fields on a warm summers day I want it to be as clear as a night sky on a winters day To be able to look upon everything....... And be happy