Lost Notes and Screams

i'd love to have the courage it takes to tell you to your face as i hang my head and read this over again my throat seems tighter than before and my hands are limp like my lips and no muscle will help me find a way to say the things mixed up and choking me to death with the sound of your laughter and the feel of your breath on my face, anathema to my lungs the last since youve been standing here at my feet rattling from your broken ribs hello, im here, so notice me again, when you're ready, it's all at your fingertips i'll tear you into bits and pieces, skin is rending and falling from my clattering teeth and i tumble through these sheets and secrets trashed receipts and shunned advances i'd rather take my chances on losing you for someone less dangerous like the sweet sensations of a sharpened razor or another tissue man to get me through tonight my hands are shaky (my chest is tight) i'm quavering at the thought of feeling (your delightful task is breathing) but i must pull myself out of this car wreck burning bright (my heart is strapped to the ceiling and i'll never get out again) your programmed speech seems like software to romance and every chance you get you'll yell 'jump in,' when all i want is to forget my body but you're lying to me about all those things you said and when you whispered to me life is such delight but nothing's prettier than you my voice is fading from your memory, but the smell is locked up tight and when i say no and your relentless nature brings you to some frightful end i'll say 'sorry for the extra wait, but i'm still not sorry for you.' i never loved you anyway (so let. me. go.) a poem about a boy who smashed my heart because i wouldn't let him tunnel into me.