What If I Had A Secret? (Poem)

what if i had a secret, but i couldn't tell u, and if i had, then i would have to kill u too... and then u looked at me, and then u asked why. but i couldn't tell u, so i would have to deny. it is a secret like no other, it should never be told or even exist. yet the day it had come alive, i knew it had been a risk. yet it had to be, it was my destiny, and even though i didn't like it, it was now a part of me. yet every secret they say a family and friend should know, but this one should never be told. because if the secret ever got out, my world would start to unfold. what if i had a secret, and it over my life, and even when i had ignored it, it had pulled me toward the knife. and every time the secret seemed to have been known, i would have a panic attack and felt as if i could not breathe. and even when i was calm, i was never as filled with ease. this secret i cannot tell anyone, for a while i couldn't have even told myself. but now she knows, and my heart just fell... its something that should not exist, it doesnt even make sense. i try to still live my life, but then i start to get tense. what if i had a secret, but it wasn't one, but two. what if it was even more then that, and i could not keep them all from you. we live in a world, where no one can keep secrets, and every secret finds its way out, no, these arent just myths. but how am i supposed to tell u, something that took years to even say to me, and what if u gave up on me, but then again i wouldnt blame you and would let it be. but... what if i had a secret, and it was an unusual kind of secret, but i asked for your secret, and you had the same secret, so why have a secret?... .... ..... ...... .......why not?.......