i feel like i am just a catholic school girl,
praying for a life...
i don't know what to do,
or how to feel...

we are all just supposed to go and pray to God
and open our hearts and minds.
yet deep inside,
i trust no one
and waste my life instead.

apparently,
i am afraid to die,
but also afraid ti live...

i say to myself,
"this wont last long.
it'll all be over soon..."

i feel so horrible right now
like you would not believe.
and it just gets worse and worse,
and more and more...

i cant tell the world how i feel...
i just feel dead,
and yet alive.
its crazy, i know...

but other than that,
i have nothing to say.

i decided to remember,
from the age i was ten.
it still haunts me now.
the blood on the sidewalk,
the ambulance running by.
Elisa starring me down,
with a cold harsh stare.
but she was my best friend...
until i woke up...

all the blood on the sidewalks,
my skin black and blue.
no one gives a d*mn,
or could even care less about you...

suddenly,
i'm not hungry.
i'm forgetting everything...
all i do is sleep,
and dream of a better place,
that does not even exist...

my hands and wrists scare me,
as i star at all the veins.
it scares me to think,
i once almost cut one.
missed by a half an inch or less.

i feel like i am just a catholic school girl,
praying for a life...
i don't know what to do,
or how to feel...

we're all perfect,
prim and proper.
we don't mess around with the guys...
or girls...
we just sit quietly,
hands folded,
and watch the nun speak.

i see it all now,
a watery grave.
crystal clear,
beneath the sun...

but then i wake up to find
a migraine only...
but dont u go to h3ll if u commit suicide...
it makes you wonder...

i feel like i am just a catholic school girl,
praying for a life...
i don't know what to do,
or how to feel...

i know there something wrong with me,
every few months i feel this way,
because every few months i remember
what had happened during my life.

screaming my guts outs out,
i look around for help.
people try to help me,
but hey cant,
and they dont.

they were putting me with a stranger,
who was not my father.
he stared at me gruesome,
why did they do that?

my mother bleeds,
my dad is missing.
i'm here with a stranger.
the whole school watches...

i get up,
and move to the other side of my room.
i close my eyes...

raining,
raining...
just drizzling cold...
no one holds me,
only one from Judas...

i feel like i am just a catholic school girl,
praying for a life...
i don't know what to do,
or how to feel...

stuck in the past.
i'm in a time warp.
why must people who dont matter
ruin my life?

it's so difficult sometimes...

if i dont live to tomorrow [which i highly doubt]
just keep me in your prayers...
and if i do live after all,
i plan to write...
about life,
my believes,
and why
the catholic school girl,
wanted to kill herself...