Cutting - Part 2 (Poem)

I thought I had gotten rid of you, Once and for all. Yet you are the monster That had made me fall... You fooled me once, Shame on you. You fooled me twice, Shame on me... I am now afraid Of the power you hold. And now because of this, My story lies untold... I promised myself I wouldn't give in, But now I'm living A deadly sin... I'm sorry I had fallen, Into you again. But this is now, And that was then... I still can't believe You did this to me, But now I must stop And then break free... I have to stop, Before it's too late. Or then the future to came, Is in my fate... Maybe it is the way You seem to create ease. Maybe it is the way You seem to call my name with a tease... Is it the way U tell me I'd be free? Or is it the way U death sentence me?... I thought I had forgetten All about this. Yet seeing u here, Seems to be my darling wish... I say I want to kill myself, But I don't want to die. I just want to see yesturday Go right by... God also won't let my die, He wants me to live. But I must punish myself To keep me alive... And then you tell me "it'll all be alright" But ur eerie voice Gives me a fright... But why did I even go back to this pain, I guess I was lost and trapped and in vain. People tell me That I should "get help" But they don't realize The pain I've felt... The world is in black and white, There is only good or bad. There is no both, Which actually makes it quite sad... I need an alcohol, A guy, An addiction... And you were the start, For my presintation... I don't think my friends or family Don't need me at all. They only depend On me to answer their call... But I daydream of the day I wasn't there. What would it be like, Or wonder if they would even care... I've tried before, And had lost my way. I guess turning to you, Was all I could do or say... I don't even kno what had happened, As I looked at you there. And then I suddenly remembered The scars I would wear... And then suddenly, I saw a drop of blood. And then I said "oh no, not again" As I try to end this fued... I don't want to do this, This is all over. You don't control, And never will, ever!... I just hope you don't call my name Just like last time. But what should I do, If I just want to stay fine?!