I still want to be a Christian and hope that I still am.
However, the more I read the bible the more I am convinced
that this book never ever fully showed the true identity of
God. Surely I have good reasons for that. 
Recently, I read the passage when God was talking to Job. I
was appalled by God’s unfaithful attitude toward his
servant. God questioned Job, and even though Job didn’t
wrong Him, he still repented in dust and ashes before
Heavenly Lord. Job despised himself to please God. He torn
his clothes and fell down face naked in front of God. 
In the bible, God was the first one who seduced people to
sin and they failed. He was the first one who failed to
forgive just very little thing like eating forbidden fruit.
He put disaster on Earth and blamed people for that. God
caused separation among people by splitting their language
in many. God was the first one who demanded sacrifice of
immeasurable degree: claiming the life of only son from
Abraham. 
Therefore, why do we Christians still can’t understand why
so many people in the world hate bible and refuse to believe
in Biblical God? We live in this imperfect world, but we
still call its Creator Perfect just in any way. We were born
and now we have to apologize to God for that by saying that
death is all we deserve. We also say that by Grace His Holy
Grace we are all alive. God is just doing us a favor by
giving us life. We are all damn roaches; we are not worth a
single penny. 
Yes, I would agree that each one of us indeed deserve a
little and boasting as well as looking down at other people
is never good. But if every one of us decides to dedicate
his or her life to serve and love one another, then we all
surely deserve some love and comfort in return. But if
someone of us decides to hurt and neglect many for the sake
of own profit, so how little love and comfort should he or
she receive in return. Replacing love with material stuff
and being proud of your own financial or even educational
achievement should bring disaster to the house of foolish
man. So, let us serve and love one another if you want to be
served and loved in return, for its sums up all the rules
coming from prophets and Jesus Christ himself.  
I want to call myself a Christian, because I want to be a
follower of Christ. It means I totally accept his words and
want to put every single of them in my practice. Christ
called me a friend, and he told that my life was worth
living. Christ told me that God loved me and appreciated me.
And that I didn’t need to spend hours praying and praising
him, but rather be beneficial to many people around me.  I
love Jesus because he showed me how precious life really is.
And if I am ever proud, I am proud that you are here with me
right now to support and love again and again. Thank you.
Amen. 
I believe that True God is incredibly powerful and loving.
However, I also believe that He has his own struggles and
failures. Not everything goes in the way He wishes. Some
pieces come together just great, the others not so well. But
God never gives up and corrects everything which didn’t go
well. He never gives up on us. He cares whether we live in
harmony and love with one another. I don’t think that God
really concerns whether we believe in Him or not. He
doesn’t pay much attention to our religious songs, because
he doesn’t really need them. But he needs us living in
harmony and love with one another and the rest of the world
we live in. He cries and weeps with us and heavy rain comes
down from the sky. He also laughs with us, and asks us to be
patient with Him and one another. 
But in many many things, God is too Huge, too Powerful, too
Long Living to be fully understood. I believe that we just
only started scratching the surface of knowing our God. But
we will never fully know our God. He is too much
unfathomable for us. Therefore, we will never say for sure
whether God truly exists or whether He is just a part of our
imagination.