'This is not insanity'

Then what would you call this? this self hating self
loathing emotion, that eats at you from the inside burning
up you throat until you scream. What do you call this self
mutilation? what do you call this if not insanity? is it
then normally for your mind to be so full of noise and mess
that laying your head on your pillow at night does nothing
but shift all the emotions onto one side of your head ready
to spill from your ears like a waterfall of regrets and lost
dreams. The emptyness inside must not be insanity in your
eyes because its a conscious feeling, the pain inside is
dramatic and nonesense to you.

If not insanity then what?