insanity

'This is not insanity' Then what would you call this? this self hating self loathing emotion, that eats at you from the inside burning up you throat until you scream. What do you call this self mutilation? what do you call this if not insanity? is it then normally for your mind to be so full of noise and mess that laying your head on your pillow at night does nothing but shift all the emotions onto one side of your head ready to spill from your ears like a waterfall of regrets and lost dreams. The emptyness inside must not be insanity in your eyes because its a conscious feeling, the pain inside is dramatic and nonesense to you. If not insanity then what?