wisdom from the past

please forgive my extended absence, he said as if it mattered once but it did, once, a long time ago he apologized last night, i think i wonder what he meant now he says he's found the truth and there's a feeling in his heart he told me it's his life he asked where i seem to be going with mine as always, a disappointment i'm jealous again wish i had something wonderful to live for and devote my being to there has to be a catch, for fuck's sake, it's islam though perhaps i'm just very uneducated maybe this bitterness is just a response to my own discontentment and has no connection to him after all i never expected to speak with him again yet i have wondered frequently when you call on people they come, he said sounds scary, i said and he replied, scary? my goodness it's beautiful but never explained he never really explains anything but i miss him already though he was never really here still hanging on every word i can't remember just like before and before he disappeared this time he asked me think it over think it over wonder when we'll ever speak again and if he will have changed much by then wonder what it's like to know the truth i tried to think it over but i just don't know