please forgive my extended absence, he said
as if it mattered once
but it did, once, a long time ago
he apologized last night, i think
i wonder what he meant

now he says he's found the truth
and there's a feeling in his heart
he told me it's his life
he asked where i seem to be going with mine
as always, a disappointment

i'm jealous again
wish i had something wonderful to live for
and devote my being to
there has to be a catch, for fuck's sake, it's islam
though perhaps i'm just very uneducated

maybe this bitterness is just a response
to my own discontentment
and has no connection to him
after all i never expected to speak with him again
yet i have wondered frequently

when you call on people they come, he said
sounds scary, i said
and he replied, scary? my goodness it's beautiful
but never explained
he never really explains anything

but i miss him already though he was never really here
still hanging on every word i can't remember
just like before
and before he disappeared this time he asked me
think it over
think it over

wonder when we'll ever speak again
and if he will have changed much by then
wonder what it's like to know the truth
i tried to think it over
but i just don't know