Family Ties

This pain becomes so overbearing at times As I am faced to realize that I have become a new person It is hard to be set in front of those that I love and show them who I truly am I have no smoke screen, no addiction, no childhood to hide behind It is only me at the end of the day that shine through windows of true clarity And as this grimy sun shines through that window I am forced to see what I truly am Nothing but half a person who try’s so hard to take on the world’s burdens And when the world become too much it is I who pays the price Not in currency but in blood, sweat and tears That I have mostly already given to another life That will never be mine again I sit and dwell in a head that is beyond tainted But I smile and put on the show like a well-composed entertainer And when it is all said and done it is then in that moment I feel like me again Comfortable in the skin I am in, allowed to be what I am with no judgment And Then I take a deep breath as my next performance is forced to be performed When will the torment and torture of this life be enough? Those questions I should never ask But here I am on my knees begging God for a reason And the window is like a flipping page of desire As seasons change and life drifts in I swallow parts of me to give and give and give The only reality I have not faced yet Is the fact that I will never have enough left for me? And that’s when I realize I never belonged to my own But born to give apiece here and apiece there How could I emancipate from the life I was born to live? I guess I’ll never know but hey at least I lived