I feel like everything is fading
Like hope is leaving me slowely
Breathing is manual now
I must make time to drink water
Sleep is not an option
I shake all day
I feel like I am so very sick

After I get home from crying in the bathroom stalls, from
looking at people I used to repect and look to for help when
I was the weakest losing all love

I lye down. I look over to see the can

Holes
Lighter
Breathe in
Hold
Breathe out

I look to the ceiling
I cry

I cry all the time now

I don't do it because I want to
I don't do it because I am helpless

I do it for us.

I stress about seeing you
I stress about eating
I stress about loving you
I stress about looking up
I stress about if I do not make an A+ I will be sent away
I stress about you not loving me
I stress about if I am going to cry today
I stress about sitting in the stall crying
I stress about feeling pathetic
I stress about feeling lost
I stress about food
I stress about how I will be able to feed him today
But most of all
I stress about me not being able to be enough
About you loving someone else

I hate me
I love you

I know you can get better

I want you to

You cry calling me saying how you want to die
You do not know I have been down
I cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and
cry and cry and cry and cry

I don't know what to do

I must be happy for you

I have to be strong

So yes, I do it for you
I hate myself for it

But it is...

I breathe for you
I am here for you


Its for you.