I went away for a weekend
And I lost my bloody mind
Got on a plane with propellers.
Not knowing what I'd find...

Except. Well I had preened down below.
You should always be prepared.
Men don't like a big old bush.
Its good to look like you cared.

...forgot one tiny thing.
Its minor. Just a girl's monthly visit.
Well it doesn't matter anyway.
No one is gonna hit it.

Out I go, one two, one two
Down the hatch goes the shot
Eight missed calls from my boyfriend
That man back home I forgot

I'm dancing and hes up against my arse
I can feel he's getting hard by the second
Better not tell the boyfriend about this
He wouldn't like it I reckon..

Holy crap! I'm in his room!
How the hell did I end up here?
Where the fuck is my top?
Whose that man lying so near...

I close my eyes and shudder a little
His mouth his all on mine
He's naked kneeled in front of me
Oh damn his dick is fine

I'm sexy. Oh so bloody sexy.
So pleased I can still get laid...
Although now what the fuck do I do
Supppose that I should stay...

And he's moving inside me now
I let out an almighty moan
My phone's lying under my bra
I'll ignore the man that I own

Quick quick and rapid
He moves in and out
Faster, getting faster
Then lets out a little shout

And its flowing from inside me now
Stickiness covering the bed
Damn I hate the wet spot
....shit. Is that wet spot red?

Mortified. I'm mortified.
I forgot that I was bloody on
My only one night stand and I've blown it
Oh it feels so wrong

I lay exhausted for a moment
Shift my weight from the wet patch
Look into his eyes and I whimper
Such a girl. I'll get attached

And then the strangest thing you see
He's slid his boxers back over his waist
Well I suppose I better get dressed too
To my rented room I make haste

And I hop back on a plane to England
I leave him there with my troubled mind
Back into the arms of my boyfriend
One who is so eternally kind

But I cant get that wet patch out of my head
So I do a little google online
Send him fresh bedsheets to his address
Egyptian cotton. With a crisp white line.

I can just imagine how pleased he'll be
When he opens the door and the postman's standing there
He'll know the bedding has come from me
Good. I want him to know that I care.