i deserve someone who is gentle and kind.

you know that feeling you get when you first start talking to someone. i thought everything was finally better. i felt like my life was finally starting to make sense and i found someone that liked me. and i thought we had something. i thought we understood each other. when we hung out it didnt matter what we did, cause i was with you. and we hugged each other like we didnt just see each other 5 minutes ago. we laid in bed and held each other. we physically couldnt be without each other. and then time went on. and more things went up our nose in our bodies. and i guess the love slipped out through the cracks of the toxicity. and i started hating you and i started hating myself. but we’ve been together so long, i tried to save it. i tried to save me. i tried to save you. and now i come over and i watch you get high and i want to get high and i feel so stupid for caring about someone that cares more about scraping the specks out of a bag of dope then to pick my scraped knees off the floor from falling for you. dont tell me you love me and ignore me. dont tell me you care and then act like im invisible. ive come so far and you make me feel like none of that means shit when im with you. and it kills me because i changed for you. and now im changing cause of you. and i love you to death but i dont think i like you anymore.