i need you, i dont need you.

why do i care the most about the people that dont care the least for me. what is it. what the fuck is it. is it all i know? how does something feel so real and special to one person and completely meaningless to someone else. i guess i used to be that someone else. and now im the annoying over sensitive, over dramatic, over emotional asshole i used to turn down left and right. but what am i doing wrong. every job i get fired from. every boy i fuck that leaves me. because i dont know how else to communicate if its not with my body. i dont know how to act. i dont know how to speak. my clothes come off instead of words and for a few minutes you think wow, this could really be something. and then the next morning you wait for a conversation to start but it started and ended with come over im lonely. play with me. just for an hour. just pretend. i remember fucking this kid. and i was high as a kite. and i said can you do me a favor. just tell me you love me, i know you dont but please, please just fucking pretend to as your holding my bare skin onto yours. for the love of god just fake it and love me.