Honestly. For someone who told me they want to work on
things. To potentially move in together and have a future.
Every time we fight you distance yourself and disapear. And
its very confusing and it makes me feel like i dont matter
at all. I tell you how i wanna die and you dismiss it. And .
it doesnt matter what im saying because im just dismissed. I
dont feel this is fair at all. That i tell you i love you
and im trying and you cant even give me 5 minutes to just be
there for me. I would never leave you if you told me you
wanted to die. I held you in my arms at your house as you
cried saying get my gun and kill me. Kill me. Kill me. And i
held you and i loved you until you fell asleep. And im
falling asleep to the sound of nothing or noone telling me
ill be okay. Love doesnt take a breather or a time out. Its
either your in completely or your not at all. And it always
feels like i give you all i have. And you give me bits and
pieces. I cant be with someone that has such a power over me
but then vice versa they can go to sleep safe and sound
knowing someone they say they love wants to die. Whatever
you say back is just going to be a reason why your not
comforting me and why your mad. And honestly. You dont stop
giving a shit for someone just cause your upset. You dont
just stop. Or at least i dont. So i guess thats why its so
confusing to me how you like a light bulb. Can just turn
everything off.