Humpty Dumpty +some personal thoughts

I hate this thing that I'm becoming... Why does it seem so impossible to be happy. I just want it to stop hurting... Maybe I'll just get drunk and stay that way... Feel better at the expense of my liver...do I care anymore? I'm not sure. I feel so lost. I get my hopes up. I'm told something that makes me happy. Then it's a lie. It was always buy I wanted to be blind. By September. Happy Birthday to me. Feeling broken. Stupid the way I feel I know... But what's so wrong about being together? Everything. Like always. The same thing that's wrong with being happy. Like always. That's my curse. I'm just so tired. Humpty Dumpty Want to cut my wrists and watch them bleed... Don't want you to see this darkness in me. Want to scream and cry and bleed and die, but I don't want you too see that I'm so weak. If they see that I'm broken and overcome with dark, they'll take the one happy thing left in my heart. Incentive enough I certainly hope... feeling overcome with problems they can't know. I hate me but I want that to change... Lost inside myself and broken with rage. I knew I'd fall again, just was hoping it wouldn't be now... Trying to put the pieces together but no one knows how...