Growing Up

Why does there come a time when I scream for you to let my hand drop and you finally do and suddenly I am blind. I am dizzy, confused Lost… lost without you. I hear not the words of advice Nor see with my eyes your love Why now, can I not be who I am? Why now, must I strive just to be good enough? I try so hard and when I cry in fustration you say act your age do your work You won’t have these fears if you were only good enough. and the disappointment that falls from the looks of surrounding parents and teachers who believe you can do better… I’m sorry I’m not who I used to be. Maybe I could be, If you would take that time to say It’s okay, you did your best and that’s what matters most. You had fun, and that’s what counts, grades are only numbers getting fired is no big deal you’ll grow and learn you’re still my child… But no, never have these words been said past graduation. I missed my grade 12 graduation and you tell me I am not good enough you say, why bother? you won’t ever be what we wanted. We provide for you and you throw it all away, you claim you care and yet, nothing changes. and now you see that you really have forgotten forgotten what it is like to be me. You are no longer 18 striving to be an individual and at the same time to be like everyone else. it’s horrible to believe yourself not good enough And to have it reinforced all the places you walk. nothing can compare to how it feels to feel unloved nothing matters though I guess, other than possibly getting good grades and going on to be not a good person but another grey mass, another suit and time in a well paying BMW driving job. I thought you said “you had fun” and that’s the main part, I thought then… that a career was for fun education, for fun. Why do you tell me I am Wasting time, and tax dollars to leisure about and lounge and do nothing but socialize? Why do you critique me so why is it that what I want isn’t right? How do you know? How do any of us know? All I know, is I want to be free but I want this freedom with you still there caring, and loving me. Kyelle xo