Beans
I woke up this morning hungry as a bear
Opened the frig but there was nothing there
All the shelves were empty 'cept for moldy bread
I am hungry and I want to be fed

Went to the cupboard to look for food
Opened the doors and now I'm in a mood
All that was there were beans in a jar
Would go to the store but ma's got the car

Gets me a pan that's hangin' on the wall
Fills it with water, salt, pepper and all
Puts in the beans and sits it on the burner
Don't know how to cook but I'm a fast learner

Behold it starts abubbling up out of the pan
I run to turn down the heat as fast as I can
Cookin' is over and I pour them in a bowl
Starts to eat them with a moldy roll

Time is a tickin. Got to catch the bus
If I'm late for work there'll be a fuss
Finds me a seat in between two dames
They're really lookers or my name ain't James

Bus is on schedule. We're bumpin' right along
Then my beans start singing their song
Rooty toot, toot toot. The last one that passed
Came out one big, horrendous blast

Ripped a hole in my pants. The bus went sky high
I knew then and there that something was awry
That night the news reported, Bomb blows bus apart
And all because I ate some beans and let a great big phart.

Copyright © 2005 Lunaria (Lila May Guptill)