i'm sorry i can't be the girl
you've created in your mind.
i'm sorry for turning out to not be
much of a find.
i'm sorry, as much as it evokes delight
in this crippled heart,
i can't believe you have love for me;
i wish there were substance to our spark.

now it's come time to reveal to you the truth.
my insecurities are building,
and keeping my neck tied in this emotional noose.
i don't know why i am so terrified;
i'd almost rather jump from my platform
than open up to you.
but i can't keep living this "might-as-well-be" lie.

it's unbarably frustrating to try to become
comfortable again.
i've been trying so hard, 
but i've been like this for so long,
i can only wait for time to mend.
you keep me running back into this dead end.

i guess you could never know
i guess you could never see
that the way things are
were never the way i wanted them to be.
but the problem isn't you,
the problem will always be me.

deep down and underneath, there is something wrong.
and softly plays my broken melody;
a painful and constant remdinder
that an important part of me is gone;
that i have to re-build and re-write my long forgotten
song.

i smell my own heart-wrenching defeat.
i haven't killed her yet
but her battered and mangled body
lays blood-soaked at my feet.
i'm crying and i'm screaming inside
the part that was missing has recently returned
but i've deprieved her, and she's about to die.

her tears are my tears
and they are present, you can be sure.
i wish that i could just go back
and make things the way they were.

i never wanted it to be like this.
i only wanted a perfect love, a perfect bliss.
it feels so unnatural to push this out
and even if you don't understand
please just listen, you'll see what this is about.

there's another side of me, that i'm slowly trying
to let free.
but i've hidden her so long
i think i've destroyed her personality.
there is so much she used to know,
she used to be all, "go, go, go!"
and there is so much she knows now
that restrains her, yelling, "no, no, no!".
she used to be completely care-free,
but she lost all of it
being repeatedly stung by the same bee.

so much has been stripped
too many times did she trust
and allow the same places to be ripped.
she feels like such a joke,
and like she's miles from ground
trying to cross the tight rope.
they all point and laugh it seems,
and she's given up on hope.
even though no one else gives in, until all light in her 
eyes has been choked.

but she's fighting for it back.
sick of the hole, and sick of the crap.
even though you intimidate her,
and possess everything she's come to lack.
but it's come to a point
where this will either make or break her;
trying to remember the excitement in not being sure.

she's fallen again, and head over heels.
there are no questions asked, she knows this is real.
in fact, it's so real for her
but she can't quite let go.
what she really wants to do and say
has remained impossible to show.

it's become so hard just to try and be her,
but every so often, past qualities stir.
what used to be done on impulse
now requires extensive thought.
and it's in fighting these two sides
that i beg so badly to be shot.

love michelle.