Tears Of Regret.

i can't remember the feeling of normal on my skin i don't remember it going in; i had to fufil this incredible urge to sin. "everything is alright now", i assure myself. "let life play it's course." "stop thinking about the future," i say, "you're not going to lose." this is no way to live life, i know. but i've shut so many doors and created so many road blocks, this is the only way i can go now. i know i don't appear much different now that you and i have become accustomed to this side. but i still manage to look past the mirror and find to my surprise, this isn't the me i saw last time. i came to this place for comfort, but i left it behind, and it's too late to go back. this other side is taking over. it's too late now, it's all over. is this what it means to grow and mature? to one day go looking for yourself, and not be sure? to find a newer side, to find a you, you don't recognise? a person you used to confide in; only to go looking and find they've died over time.. or even just over night. i wouldn't know, we haven't spoken since our last fight. isn't it a shame, things can never be the same? isn't it saddening to know that i threw something so dear to me away? let it slip down the drain? now i'm standing in the pouring rain, can you still see that i'm crying? trying to blend and mend my face from all expression. this is a real depression. you can't fix it by shoving all your pills down my throat. i plead insanity, and here's my doctor's note. please pay attention now, understanding the message in the words i just wrote. this is crucial. sometimes we take a little too much and it affects us and throws us out of touch. corrupting and corroding perfection and innocence. it's all been lost, but it really is that hard to hold on to. when i think about it, i know i even watched and wanted this with pleasure. (and stupidity). this is my doing, that cannot be undone. my genuine core, ambitions values morals emotions devotions and talents. i pushed it all away thinking i might become something more. now all i am is this empty shell of regret. and i want her back. she possesses all the qualities i used to have and now lack. it's been so long and i know i crushed her soul and song. how could i have been so mistaken? how could i have been so wrong? love michelle.