James Letter.

the funniest thing turned up today a letter written in a time far far away when it was when we were young careless, free, in love and yet not so dumb no words were spoken and she never even said half of what it appears she thought in her head. so i found the evidence and i plan to pass it along i wonder though why she stopped singing her sweet song. i know it could never have been and i guess his actions never foreseen tears shed, she bled he forgot her and pushed her from his head. i still stand in awe staring, wondering... she glares at him, degrading hating. but i guess she's in a better place now a place where no feeling emits except lust and love for someone who does not exist. that's okay, we all have our own ideas of utopia and bliss... our friendship is one thing i really miss but now it's gone. faded and ashed just like a drug flashback, an experience passed, not wished to be repeated. so smile not for the good times and don't bother to cry for the bad i don't care anymore that she was the best friend i ever had. did she even exist? or was it another act, a lie a life never existing just a mask she wore when i dropped by? or did i really cuase all this with my dreams of gothic demear introduction to boys and drugs and life so glamourous that is nothing to be proud of. maybe i influenced her and changed her life for the worst but i never forced her i never asked her i hated it, i wanted it to stop. i wonder how real anyone is i wonder why it is i even care i guess in this world we get fucked over by everyone friends... such an empty word especcially when you're given more than you deserve. nothing like being a fraud not caring like someone thinks that you do. nothing like lying and hiding and peeking out from behind a mask an inch thick of makeup couldn't hide me though. i dont know what it is, but i feel trusting and i let everything show. everyone knows who i want everyone knows who i hate people know what it is about me that nobody likes im a bitch and im mean if you cross me watch your back im sadistic and sorrowfilled im so mean, and yet i love it. watching lives crumble at your hands crying and saying your sorry bringing it back together only to do it again. im so fake nobody could ever guess though what i fake best. happiness is just an act for me i dont understand the concept so i try and mimick what i think it should be. and yet, none of this is me. depends on how you look into my life. ...this is really off track.... xo Kyelle. James--- I have a letter never mailed, a message for you from like, i dont even know... september? Right after your friend died... i dont know if i should really give it to you, but i think maybe i should. it might help you understand ... even if you no longer care. it's sweet in a way, it made me cry to read it. i dont know, words so true... i never really knew exactly how bad she had it for you. i mean, just. wow. i can explain in more detial elsewhere... email me or something :)