Why...

why does everything seem so fake? why do i feel like everyone is just saying things to humour me? why can't i see the dream that i wrote about? why does it feel like my life is going nowhere? why do i fear rejection when he assures me he's going nowhere? why do i think that eventually he will run? why do i find it hard to believe that he really does love me and its not just a sick game? why am i so scared of what the future may hold? why does the past affect my thinking today? why don't i know what to do with my life despite my dreams and aspirations? why did i have to get rid of her and create the new one? why am i like i am? why can't i change? why do i feel like i fail him in everything i do? why do i feel i have to prove myself to everyone, especially him? why did they have to die? why do i spend my life thinking about death when it is that which i am so afraid of? why do i think about the fact i might not be able to have kids? why am i so stupid? why is my family falling apart? why am i to blame for everything? why can't everyone just leave me alone?