i've gotten so lost
on the road to myself.
i've made it a labryinth
and i allowed you
to make me melt.

so many twists and so many turns
i'm sure it's all in my mind;
a false sence of concern.
i know it's not supposed to just come
but i wish it would be fucking done.
even with you here
i feel alone and imcomplete
and i don't think i'm ready
as you put on the pressure
and turn up the heat.

so much change.

it's strange to be working for something
and the following week
that something becomes nothing.
am i supposed to know what i want?
i don't always mean to taunt
and i'm not always trying to flaunt.

somewhere beyond the frustration
and self mutilation
i'll have a realization.
and the pieces will suddenly fit;
fall into place
stop feeling like a race and competition.
i'll find myself content and relax.
this enormous weight
will gently be lifted from my back.
there will be new-found self love
and self worth.
based on more than looks
or money
or the contents of my purse.
i'll finally be able to put away
the hurt and the past.
fall in love and make it last...
but i'll never forget.

because right now everything is so wrong.
no one wants me.
i'm not the same
and i don't belong.
staying here feeling chained
for other's actions; i take the blame.
stripping of respect
to my name...
all the wrong kinds of fame.

no one wants to have me around
somewhere i got lost
and it's so hard to try and be found.
i'm letting go
and it really doesn't matter.
not to me.
not anymore.
i've gotten used to the cold
and feeling my body hitting the floor;
more welcoming than home.

i'm calling
and i know you hear the ringing
slowly picking up the phone
no words but it's still stinging.
i'm singing and i'm crying
another day and i might as well
be on the street.
another meet and greet;
you're embarrassed.
tonight you throw me
from the terrace.

more tears
and one more fake smile.
i can tell it's going to be a while
but it's coming.
and i know i'm going to
keep on running.
jumping the gun
keeping you guessing.
deciding you haven't won.

love michelle.