i'm sick of everyone else
always getting what i
wished for.
feeling myself hit the floor
hearing the sound
of you shutting the door.
never knowing what's in store
for me.
knowing i can't see
what lies ahead
i might as well waste away
all day in bed.

the tears they sting
like needles being
dragged down my skin.
i don't know how
i'm expected to win.
how could i?
not this.
not after that mind-blowing kiss.

your cancerous touch
is breathtaking
and just too much.
too much for me to handle
right now.
i'm not ready to start to drown
in someone else.
it's too soon
for me to allow myself to melt.
even though inside
i already am..
i'm just not ready to show it.

although you can probably see
in the way i stare.
i wonder if you think its
just as unfair as i do.

my ears ache.
i feel i've made a terrible mistake.
missed so many chances
i regret not being able to take.
telling myself i couldn't
something inside said
i shouldn't.

it's not what i wanted
it's what i felt i needed.
you make me weak in the knees
i wish it would stop
i beg you; please..
to just understand
be everything i want to think you can.

you're the best of my dreams
and this situation i'm in
dangles you in front of me
you act like a tease.

but this is only something
that can be healed with time
not with someone else.
because that can't take it away;
or make it fine.
you're heart will see
if you let it look
that right now i'm not for you
althought sometimes
you've got me overwhelmingly;
entirely shook.
but it's time now
to let me go..
and close my book.

love michelle.