Living In Fear

I often look back to when I was younger I can remember when all I did was wonder Wonder why the sky was blue and the ocean was too Now I wonder if it would be better if that was what I could do Now I'm fifteen and it's so hard Nobody gets me, I feel like a retard I feel so dumb when I try to explain Instead I keep it to myself and all I feel is pain When I was fourteen an old man tried to take me In other words, I guess you could say he raped me I was lucky enough to get away from him I can still remember his fingers, old on my skin I am scared so much now and my life is a lot rougher Sometimes I wish that man was a little tougher Now all I do is live in fear I should have let him kill me there I often wonder how it was that I got away from that man I have been scared since then, but it's the memories I cannot stand Sometimes I wish that man never existed Maybe then my life wouldn't be so twisted The truth is it happened, I cannot take any of it back So now I become afraid of people when I see their skin is black I don't know just who you are old man and I wish I had then Can't you see how bad you've hurt me after how long it's been? You could never understand what it's like to live in constant fear You don't know how it makes me feel that you live less than a block from here Nobody understands me, or is that just how I feel? The worst part is that all of this is real I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've wanted to run away Then I think, if I do, you or someone else might find me one day Now I'm slightly more mature and I've grown a lot since you saw me I wish I had never grown this chest, this rear, this body Sometimes I just curl up and cry I try to let those memories pass me by The truth is you hurt me and I will always strive I know that I should feel so lucky to be alive All I want now is to know the true meaning of life You've torn up my inside so bad I wish I had a knife You'll never know what you did to that little girl She feels the pain, over a year later, still If you ever want to know how you made her feel Shove a butcher's knife through your chest and continue living still You don't know what you did to me And it's not create a fantasy You don't know what it's like to live here Thinking that you're there all year Since then I've heard that you moved If that's true or not I don't have a clue Because of you, I am scared to be single I think if you ever find me your tar-stained eyes will twinkle Those big yellow eyes, alcohol on his breath, and that white curly hair That's what I remember of the man sitting there If you ever find yourself where I was, don't be afraid to cry It's okay to be scared, others are just like you and I My mother warned me when I was younger and I'm sure so did yours Always heed her word and remember, "Don’t talk to strangers!"