Dance

For Scott You danced with me. I could never bring myself To thank you, I never would have dared To show my gratitude in any way But this, In the poetry that has become My native tongue. I have lived my life in pain, you see A thousand voices, Like death knells, Echoing in my head; Even though those words Have not been spoken for three years. But when a long part of your life Is spent listening To others speaking of you in such ways, You become shattered. So, in the ugliness and stupidity And pure wretchedness That I saw in myself, And that so many seemed to see in me I find myself so often afraid. So, so afraid. Repulsed. Then you, part of my group of friends Became, somehow, the object Of my first semi-romance, A liking, truly nothing more, But such things can run strong. I had no chance with you, of course. How could I have a chance at all? But somehow I could not help but wonder Foolish things. (Was that smile aimed, perhaps, at me?) And then a crossroads loomed ahead Where I found that I would leave behind The world where I had found some shelter From the pain surrounding me outside, As well as many friends, And I realized it was now or never. It was a small thing, Dancing with me. I know you would have done it for anyone. I felt such a fool there, But there I was, Doing the impossible, And maybe, Just maybe, I wasn’t so bad after all. So now I write this thanks That you may never see For giving me the chance to go Beyond the fate that some have given me. Now I am finally free to discover, What good might actually exist In me. You danced with me.