Eighteen

and i thought it would be perfect and i was blinded by the truth it was planned for me in mind and i was selfish and so now you stay behind. i wonder why it is you think i hate you now becuase i dont. i just, want to be myself and not be exposed to the stuff. and he cant come becuase his friend comes first you look at me like why i take his lies and i guess then i have to say i trust him and just fuck off okay? i wanted this to be perfect forgetting perfect isn't real i guess though you'll never quite understand just what emotions right now i feel. am i not good enough to hang with sober? am i not good enough for you? im sorry that i changed and i like to think i grew up im sorry okay? IM SORRY and i dont fucking hate you. but you know what? if this is how it is maybe i dont want you there anyway. xoxo Ellie J