i came up with this idea last night at my party tee hee.
when i was all sick and spinny feeling and i looked into a
mirror and it was like for that instant i was someone else,
watching my thoughts and stuff... like if i was an oustider
or something, and it made me realize just how hard latelly i
have been trying to find *who* i am. becuase i dont know...
and like i kinda think that once you turn 18/leave home you
disappear from like, relaity until you hit like, 25 and it's
like BAM suddenly you know, becuase you've spent the last
bit trying to find yourself... i guess im just crazy, but
thats what i feel it's like.

Self Discovery.

dive into
the looking glass
and from the inside
look out.

peer into my eyes
from another side
let my soul
lead you.

and if you can't
step back
for just an instant
ponder this
the outlook
from within.

the baren lands
where my heart
lays
the icy wind blows
while my 
childhood memories
play

crumple on
the gravestone of
time
bitter
my profile cries

im running out
infact
it's alreayd to late
im in the mirror
and im in 
a somewhat impaired
state.

my mind gone numb
my fingers lack
the movement
of what they had
i draw up
an illusion for you

but i hide that still
becuase it's closer
to the truth
than any lies
i could sell.

freelance
and forlorne
another day
another year
a piece of history
my tragdey
that no one hears

the pain of tears
stinging
blackened skin
burned by myself
i let you in.

too far fall now
i do
and if i can't have him
i wont want you.
in this land
where everything
is upside down
and inside out
confusion rains
a constant doubt,
wherein i lie
the secrets that i hide

half of them
you will not find
burries by the icy wind
covered up
with all my sins.

forgive me
as i do
what it is
i do to you.

i know not
where i am
who i am
or what i will be
all i know
is right now
im tangled up
in my heart
my lost soul
trying to reconnect
myself with me.


xoxo
Ellie J
passing through the doors of self discovery.