God bestow insight upon my being

Im torn between my heart and my mind. My mind tells me one thing and my heart tells me another and when that happens the memories flow through me like a raging river. I feel so lonely almost like the saying about the tree in the forest falling "does anyone hear it if there is no one around?" Good people, friends, I talk but do they really hear me? and do i really hear myself? im sick of being sick with emotion. im tired physically emotionally and mentally. and what is there to mend? two and a half years? memories are they just that..memories? and what does the future hold? more alienation? God i dont want that! God I am calling on you give me insight to my life my situation bewstow strengh and insight upon me and teach me not to hurt and teach me to love without hurt. i hurt to love.