The Pain

there is a hole deep within me and it's growing bigger swallowing my soul. the pain im sure to cause you hurts me internally i feel so sad so wrong and yet.. i knew it all along. did you see it too? i bet you did. and im sorry becuase for everything there is i really do love you... but, im confused and i want it to stop if not for a little while we'll have some fun alone... and come back? if i asked you to love me, could you? would you still after all this i have put you through? whats the problem with me? why do i feel this way? and it isnt even like he likes me at all and it's a chance im willing to take but the costs... if i asked for you to sit and stay and watch me cry would you hold me and never question why? i dont want to hurt you.. but i feel caged, through and through and i just have to know i have to let you go if only for, a little while can i still look upon your face and will you still smile? and will you remember every little thing? please tell me that fi this ends it was all worthwhile. and i cry at the tought of what i feel i have to do becuase i love you. i love you... but it hurts so much and im so lost. im going to stray away i need to find out for my own. and you should do the same but please please say that when im gone you'll call me back? xoxo Ellie J