Just like U, by so_close_but_yetso_far so_close_but_yetso_far"> |
Everywhere I look, I can see your eyes, So bright, Lighting up my soul, Dark circles, taken ova, From sleepless nights. From drugs, From fags, So dark, So sinister, Like a zombie, but sum1 cracks a joke, U put on ure front, And u laugh, but I can see da pain, no1 else can tho, But I'm your biggest fan, I luv ya, And I put on dat front 2, but inside I wana die, just like u. ©sasha buonasorte 2005 this song, like da overs is about my love, plz read da overs, and I rlly need sum tips 2 get him 2 like me. |
Posted: 2005-10-02 10:53:06 UTC |
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2005-10-07 04:54:30 | ill haven |
hmm, do you mind proofreading? hope not. ^_^ Everywhere I look, I can see your eyes, So bright, Lighting up my soul, Dark circles, taken ova, From sleepless nights. From drugs, From fags, So dark, So sinister, Like a zombie, but someone cracks a joke, You put on your front, And you laugh, but I can see the pain, no one else can though, But I'm your biggest fan, I love you, And I put on that front too, but inside I want to die, just like you. You use a lot of unnecessary commas, though I strongly doubt you give your poems more than a cursory glance before posting them. |
2005-10-15 07:10:20 | Don't build lies on ice cubes. |
I'm responding to your comment on my poem. With some poetry, the meaning is not always on the surface- its a poem about two different forms of intimacy and holding one back to stop yourself getting hurt. And did you bother to read any of my other poems before commenting- that one is not in my usual style. I think people should be constructive in comments. And obviously you write differently to me, maybe you should try writing in a different style to see what its like? On this poem since I'm here, parts of it are good but I think it would be better if in standard English, im not a fan of abbreviating words unneccessarily. |