Just like U

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By <font color="purple">so_close_but_yet<font color="yellow">so_far •

Everywhere I look, I can see your eyes, So bright, Lighting up my soul, Dark circles, taken ova, From sleepless nights. From drugs, From fags, So dark, So sinister, Like a zombie, but sum1 cracks a joke, U put on ure front, And u laugh, but I can see da pain, no1 else can tho, But I'm your biggest fan, I luv ya, And I put on dat front 2, but inside I wana die, just like u. ©sasha buonasorte 2005 this song, like da overs is about my love, plz read da overs, and I rlly need sum tips 2 get him 2 like me.

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October 7, 2005 04:54ill haven

hmm, do you mind proofreading?

hope not. ^_^

Everywhere I look,
I can see your eyes,
So bright,
Lighting up my soul,
Dark circles,
taken ova,
From sleepless nights.

From drugs,
From fags,

So dark,
So sinister,
Like a zombie,
but someone cracks a joke,
You put on your front,
And you laugh,
but I can see the pain,
no one else can though,

But I'm your biggest fan,
I love you,
And I put on that front too,
but inside I want to die,
just like you.

You use a lot of unnecessary commas, though I strongly doubt you give your poems more than a cursory glance before posting them.

October 15, 2005 07:10Don't build lies on ice cubes.

I'm responding to your comment on my poem. With some poetry, the meaning is not always on the surface- its a poem about two different forms of intimacy and holding one back to stop yourself getting hurt. And did you bother to read any of my other poems before commenting- that one is not in my usual style. I think people should be constructive in comments. And obviously you write differently to me, maybe you should try writing in a different style to see what its like? On this poem since I'm here, parts of it are good but I think it would be better if in standard English, im not a fan of abbreviating words unneccessarily.