Sinking Depression

i feel lonely, cold, in an uncontrollable mess everything seems like such a huge task i feel like there is a big weight on my shoulders dragging me down further and further how much can it push me? how much can it break me? it makes me feel so stupid that i have no confidence in myself seems like everybody is having a life, except me it's like being in a black hole screaming for help, screaming to be let out but nobody hears i feel like i'm drowning, in sorrow and despair life is just so cruel i don't even want to go out today if i'm alone outside, it's worse chest tightens can't breathe shaking, sweating i keep thinking, why is this happening to me? am i being punished for something? no matter how i try and do good it feels like i am doing it for no reason sometimes i get so angry i hate myself for being the way i am every day just feels like another uphill struggle i do want to get out there, see the world, get involved but i just can't it's like being sprinkled with petals from a rose but it gets snatched away from you and you can only smell the lingering scent i cry, i put my head in my hands it feels like when something is going right it gets dragged away from me like i don't deserve to be happy i don't deserve to be fortunate trying to fight this low self worth is like getting blood out of a stone it will not work i might as well keep feeling like this take each day as it comes maybe one day i will get out of it the weight is pushing me further and further i will not let it break me though my emotions are getting the better of me and i'm spiralling, plummeting, falling into a sinking depression one day, i know i will be ok, and i will beat this it's just a matter of when.... Copyright Rebecca Waring