Help Me..

everything is ruined and fucked up why is this happening..? haven't i taken enough? i guess not, i guess i didn't pass the test.. and all i've wanted is some PEACE and some REST. these past few years have hit me hard, but i've learned and grown a lot since the start.. but other than that, there isn't much i've got. why the fuck does education and money have to mean SO MUCH? these incompetent government whores.. are just too far out of touch. i'm almost there, but i can't help but feel a little bit scared.. the realization makes me stop and stare.. what happened to the motivation and care? it's just NOT there. not anymore.. all the plans i had in store.. are gone, just like me, when my parents kicked me out the door. it's saddening to think, that i'm on the brink of explosion.. erosion of dreams.. do you know what this means? i won't get where i wanted. but i can't say that that is what i even still want.. and i wanted a lot. .. but right now i'd rather just smoke pot. (.. so saddening..) i need to get out of this hole.. but i've never been happier. the way my life is, most say it couldn't get much crappier. would i be happier partying and working a mediocre job? ..the last thing i want is to be a broken down slob. am i selling myself short? i know i'm capable of so much more.. but i can't honestly say more of anything would make me feel any better. i'm just so confused.. i have no idea what the FUCK to do.. school or my own space.. 9 more credits.. and i've finished with this place. someone help me.. someone, please.. someone who can see further than what i can see.. help me. love michelle.