** this is from before i wrote Steel Will... **

tiny trails of blood
flutter up and kiss the surface
a mark
i never made
a statement
that wasn't saved.

and i lay in cold bath
waters and watch it
come to life.
a bubble, tiny prick
floating now
flowing quick.

i cant help but smile
and miss the pain
the marks i asked for
the score i wasn't keeping.

the problem is
when the world is winning
you no longer 
want to play the
game...
46 to 37,
left arm
right...
skin missing
flesh, out of sight.
burned with scars
and rigid marks
i sometimes look
upon the pale white skin
and wonder
what if once more
i let the steel sink in?

just for a moment,
just one more
just a tiny nick
... can you understand?

and i fight with myself
and somehow i win.
i cry and fall back alseep
you're not worth these tears
and you're not worth
this life.

xoxo
Ellie J