Attached

Why am I so attached to the feeling that well not last. Why do I let you guys run my life like you are god to me. I know I should forget about each and everyone of you but my mind wont let me. I sit in my room full of darkness tears running down my cheeks and thinking about what could I have done differently. "you can't change what is done my best friend says to me". I was curious about sexuality and what I did to undo my curiousity they never called me again. I tried to figure out what I did wrong. I gave them what they wanted so why wouldent they call. After weeks without word I figured I did something wrong and I started to blame myself. So one night I got a call he wanted to hang out I ofcourse said yes. Why wouldent I. We hung out at his place I figured it was okay I mean atleast he was talking to me. I gave him what he wanted I mean at least he wanted to see me. He dropped me home and never called me after that. Four weeks went by he called again. He wanted to hang out. Ofcourse I said yes. Same thing happened never called until 4 weeks later. Than I realized a pattern he just wanted a bootie call. I still gave him what he wanted because I refused to believe he didn't care about me. The last time I heard from him was last year.I'm still attached to him and others I don't know why maybe I care about him because he was first, or my first crush , or I just like him , for what ever reason I'm still attached.