Can you hear me when I talk to you can you see what we’re
going through, do you try to help but have to walk away
because someone says your name. 
I wonder if you still like me, I wonder if you care I wonder
what your doing are you really up there? 
I think about an accident I think about you, I think about a
person who was left bleeding all through. I wonder if you
can hear us, all of us together trying not to cry, do you
try to help us but cant get down from the sky. If you asked
god nicely would he let us see you? Do you think it would
help or just upset us more too? 

I wish it happened differently I wish hard upon a star I
wish that someone would just tell me that you were in your
car, I wish someone would say you were on your way, I wish
someone would wake me up and say you didn’t die that day.
I hope that you are happy I hope that you are safe, but I
cry because I cant see you, why did he take you away. Did he
need you to do something that nobody else can actually do?
Did he get bored of all the people and think he needed you.
I wish that you could start laughing at my stupid song,
point and smile and say we got it all wrong. 

I wonder if your funeral was a dream, an unreal one it may
seem. I wanted you to spring up out of your coffin, as they
lowered it in the ground, everybody crying, standing around.
I believe you always smile from the day that you moved on I
think that you leaving made your family strong, I promise I
will look after them I promise you I will care I promise you
I will never let that dog and gun down, I promise, I swear I
will always be there. I wonder whether you will appreciate
this song, or tell me I got a spelling wrong I was wondering
if you could pass me a hand book on how yo loose someone and
still be strong. I want you to listen I don’t want you to
rest I want you to ride a motorbike with me I don’t care
if im being a pest. I don’t want to believe you wont help
me, balance on that bike for the first time, I don’t want
to believe I cant ride as a pillion rather than a driver, I
want you to come ride it with me, why couldn’t you survive
uh?

I don’t care how selfish it is I don’t care how rude I
may seem I want you to help me I want my life to be a dream,
I want to control the way people go, I don’t want you to
be gone, so why cant you come back to us so? I wish that you
would wake up, please open your eyes I don’t care how much
it scares me it would be a lovely surprise. I don’t want
you to be buried like toxic waste I want to see that smile
spread across your face.

God this is so unreal can you imagine how we all feel, im in
denial I don’t know about your child, he seemed ok to me,
but im not sure Martin, he definitely doesn’t think rather
him than me, Ally is a total mess although she is trying her
bes’ my dads numb and Gareth’s trying to help his mum,
my mums in shock and I think she may be sad, my little
sister doesn’t believe it she thinks you have gone away to
hide. Jamie was a crisis he even lost his job and Jack and
James just want to help, just like Ali Chris and Rob. I
don’t know how your parents feel I haven’t spoken to
them I hope they’re ok, but they cant really speak, grief
has chocken. The rest of the family and friends you left
behind are filled with memories of you, but if you want me
to be really honest I cant remember your face. I can just
remember the fact that you were strong but now your…gone.
I should have rang to make you late but its too far gone to
make me think im the one in the wrong it makes you wonder
what if, but the fact is you are dead and I cant seem to get
that through my head. Alison just keeps telling herself your
in Scotland, gone off to shoot some deer, but I don’t
think it will last that long, but that’s when I will be
here. When she sheds a tear I will be here to hug her and
keep her smiling, I wonder if it was good timing. I am in
love with your son David, but I cant tell him Im scared to
actually, it seems weird to know hes my mate but I would
like it if we could go on a date. Im here for your family I
want you to know Im here for anyone who needs me son. I
think in time I will start to regret the fact that im
starting to forget but really if I think about it you look
like David and Gareth in themselves and that’s where I see
you, and in the books on the shelve. I see your personality,
the stuff you were into I see the fact that you had a happy
life and that your family and friends loved you. This was
just a short message, I hope it gets to you I will keep it
on my laptop so you can come back and have a look I will
write again soon, don’t think I will be like a crook, I
will stand my ground force a smile because I like to think
that I am your child. I would have been and still can be the
daughter you never had, you had me Martin, and you had
Alison Gar and Dave, you had your dogs Mika Liz Doug Clint
and a few more, and I had you, and I will take that fact to
the grave. Thank you for making Dave so brave xx


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