i stand beside myself
and watch my life carry on
confusing everything
inside my head
was this even ever real?

and i dont know why
it is this way i feel
but im proving something
pretending nothing
and yet,
here i am, lost
on a different path
than the rest of me.

it seems like all that
was never happened
and it was some fantasy
i played myself a handy
trick, and now im lost
again to society.

i feel so plastic
but yet pliable
mould me will you?
i promise to hold here for
a little while.

im so insecure
and very unsure
of what it is you all
think of me.
why the fuck
is it so impossible
for me to be
fucking happy?

xoxo
Ellie J