insecure

i stand beside myself and watch my life carry on confusing everything inside my head was this even ever real? and i dont know why it is this way i feel but im proving something pretending nothing and yet, here i am, lost on a different path than the rest of me. it seems like all that was never happened and it was some fantasy i played myself a handy trick, and now im lost again to society. i feel so plastic but yet pliable mould me will you? i promise to hold here for a little while. im so insecure and very unsure of what it is you all think of me. why the fuck is it so impossible for me to be fucking happy? xoxo Ellie J