The cutting helps cos it makes me feel alive,
Ironic I know, cos u cut to die,
All the scars fade, but the memories are there,
They’re a reminder of your pain and that u were scared.

To feel so out of control,
Your mind… not even your own,
 To be crippled by this feeling,
Isolated and alone.

Hiding the pain, from you mum,
Is the hardest thing of all,
To know that I can’t tell you,
You can’t catch me when I fall.

But I'm too scared to tell you,
Embarrassed cos I’m your Stace,
So I pretend that I’m fine, never letting you see,
I’m the clown with the painted face.

Without the painted smile,
I’m nothing but a scared little girl,
To have to hide these feelings,
From you, my mother, my world.

But you hid your pain from me,
You lied, you hid it well,
You tried to shield us from the heartache,
But who caught you when you fell?

It certainly wasn’t him,
The dad, the bastard, the cheat,
The reason for all my hating,
The reason we both are weak.

I was just a girl mum,
I knew there was something wrong,
I knew I lost my dad,
Every time I heard the words in that song.

That song u played, All Saints, Never Ever,
I was hurting, always with you,
You had your mum to help,
But I didn’t have my mum to help me through.


I needed you mum,
To help me feel safe,
Not like all this was my fault,
Isolated, alone, all over the place.

My mummy, my world, my shield,
Was trying to cope the best way that she could,
She was anorexic, depressed, 
Her marriage was in a mess,
Her life’s been anything BUT good.

And I, the daughter, tried her best to hide,
All the feelings any teenager has to deal with,
As well as knowing there was no one,
To which I could confide.

I lost my nana, my mum, myself,
All because of you,
I hate you with every fibre within me,
I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!

My baby sister, the one I’ll never meet,
She would have been beautiful
If you didn’t make my mum so weak.

She lost her dad, 
It was all because of YOU,
And that ugly fucking slut from your work,
Well…I fucking hate her too.

She hurt my mum,
And she hurt me,
She took away my dad,
And broke up my “family”

The make up’s off,
THIS is how I feel,
The scared little girl is here,
For every second I pretend,
Wishing this would end,
Realising this is all real.

This clown, her make up and “smile”
This painted face I possess,
I paint it on every morning,
To shield myself from the mess.