Day By Day

swipe the blade and end it quick a feeling in my stomach oh so sick blood pours out from gashes so deep the flood starts to form around my feet i want these fantasies to come true try my hardest for something i need to do looking back on memories i need to know to the people whom i did not let this pain show i cradled myself night and day for there was no one to show me the true way my mother tried her hardest but never realized the pain i was in and how my heart had died then there were the two only people in my life who really knew depression i fell under burdened my dreams everywhere i went crying tears bursting at the seams one left me at the first sign of a fight the depression over took me on that night and as i sit here writing this all i understand that no one wants me to fall but i can't take my eyes away from the blade shining by itself where it is neatly laid i think of a child who doesn't deserve pain trying to smile but the efforts are in vain counting the minutes by as i make my final choice i jump at the sudden sound of my own voice do it now get it over with these are people you wont ever miss -her sweet smiling face asking me to play- no don't waste your breath on another day -asking me to put on her makeup so she'll look like me- just get it over with why can't you see -little giggles as i tickle her tummy- do it your lifes too crummy -then there is him- no no just do it go out on a limb -he cares about me so- its not true and this you know -he tells me he loves me- this isn't true why can't you see -my best friend cares about me too- no one in this life cares about you -she reads everything i write telling how i feel- her friendship and sympathy aren't real -my mother cares about me more than anyone- the pain she causes you has just begun -we share a bond most familys can only hope for- yeah then why is your heart so sore -but then there are boys i still can't get over- thats right just put the blade a little lower -and the heart that i'll never have full- just put it to your skin and pull -but maybe it can all be fixed- no no! just let your tears and blood mix -is there a reason i cry these tears?- yes you want to die and get away from your fears -my fathers an ass and left me alone- exactly all the more reason your death prone they fight on throughout the night i still hold to the blade tight the first voice winning the battle as they continue to rattle my shakey hand comes down a little more but the loving voice wins out and i drop the blade to the floor -you have too many people who love you they'll all die if you do don't be stupid drop the blade don't let the gashes on your arm be made call someone for help just drop it now they'll wonder why, they'll wonder how- the blade fell by my feet i realized that the scars ran too deep but they could be healed with hope i just needed my family to help me cope new found feelings i didnt know there people who loved me were near wiping away the tears that fell steady i got myself ready one of the longest talks of my life as i told them of all my strife they looked at me with blank stares maybe i was wrong maybe they don't care i saw tears in her eyes as she reached out to me worry with tears was all i could see there was hope after all and maybe, just maybe i wouldn't fall happy that i didnt end my life too young but the pain in my heart still hung there would be times when it would be hard there would be glass broken in shards so tempting so ready i had to keep my feelings steady and then i did it i finally cried it was as if all the pain had died i knew for once i might be ok i would just have to take it day by day as long as i had the people i loved by my side every step of the way along for the ride it would be alright, it would be ok i just have to take it day by day