x . x . x ., by opalescent.
|
ill admit im just like you
ive got scars
im part of your crowd
i didnt do it for attention
or the image
im not proud
ill admit i havent quit
ive got wounds
open and alive
i swear its an addiction
a fixation
with my knives
ill admit i wont be stopping
if the winter
keeps coming 'round
its this seasonal depression
frigid stress
brings me down |
| Posted: 2005-12-13 20:26:31 UTC |
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| 2005-12-13 07:57:44 | bedazzled |
| This is well rhymed, flowing, with great descriptions and a powerful meaning. My only suggestion is changing 'keeps coming around' to 'keeps coming round' that way it doesn't change the rhythm of the poem.
Kat xoxox |
| 2005-12-14 10:52:36 | The Naked Owl |
| Beautifully written. I agree with bedazzled though. Just change 'around' to 'round' and it'll be perfect. |
| 2005-12-19 18:32:55 | Faith |
| Very well written... the flow, the rythem, the rhyme, everything just works. |