The betrayal

We were two sides of a coin, She became my identity… Her presence had filled my life with tremendous joy That she would weigh me down someday, I had not imagined. Even before I learned the skill of perceiving, I’d recognized her through an unknown bond Her name was love, and I grew up in her city Of all the constituents of my spirit, She was the most complex and beloved. I felt her around me all the time, She spoiled me with her affections And as a child, I willingly indulged… Little did I understand her versatility. They say every parent introduces their child To their interpretation of her form, I was introduced to her too- Through the eyes of idealism I saw her pretty face. She was radiant, flawless, the only necessity in life. Like everyone else I knew, There was a little piece of her spirit in me. There, like a protein, she assumed a form on her own: I learnt to recognize her through this form only. I was born with a transparent spirit, She sparkled in my eyes, worked through my actions Everyone saw it, And they treated her with admiration. But those dearest to me dreaded it, They looked upon her as a threat to my happiness. I never questioned her though, My sense of security wouldn’t allow it. Childhood passed, Adolescence brought along with it evolution, Everything changed: Perspective, priorities, understanding; Yet, she remained untouched in me. I would preserve her forever, I refused to place her sanctity in question. Time passed…family no longer dictated life, And friendships came into being. I’d grown… everyone could see. Maturity had successfully introduced me to reality But I refused to let him touch her He would neither corrupt nor distort her, She and my spirituality were all I had faith in. Then one day, I stepped outside my house Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, But something was different… Everyone looked upon me in awe, Some smirked, many ridiculed, others admired. She’d come into everyone’s attention. Something was not right I was told, Maturity had not done it’s job She should have aged and faded by now they said. Friends expressed their concern by calling me “naïve” Parents reasoned with me- Tried to convince me to let go- But I would not allow it. She had been in me for so long, She had dominated my every action Id always listened, spoken and acted through her How could that change? I failed to understand how she could hurt me- Everyone loved her, She’d stood by all I knew and given them reassurance- Why would she hurt me if her touch comforted all? Well-wishers explained that I was being exploited But how did it matter? Did everyone not want a source of unconditional love in his or her life? That’s all she was, that’s all she gave through me. I knew what he’d do to her That’s all he’d done to everything id possessed He’d corrupt her, teach her business… To love the beneficial Maturity had only embittered my spirit, I’d accepted him as an inevitable phenomenon I disliked him, but he wished me well and of this, I was aware. He implored that I let him touch her, But my loyalty said otherwise. Everyone told me how pretty she was, I never wanted that to change, He’d deform her and he admitted so I stood by her for a long while. Then, one dreadful day… after a long while I rose out of bed and looked into my mirror There she was, in my eyes, as pretty as ever I looked closer and suddenly the glass shattered I had outgrown my previous window to reflections Maturity had brought me to the doorstep of adulthood, Circumstance compelled me to look through a new mirror I stared at my reflection; horrified I saw myself standing in a barren distraught land! I looked around desperately, searching for my security It was nowhere to be found I’d lost any happiness that I ever had And there she was, smiling at me As if nothing had happened! I begged her to tell my why my world had changed She refused to accept the vision I saw And insisted that everything was the same But it wasn’t! my world had gone barren and I lay devastated. I searched for all the people that once adorned it, Only to see my family hanging its head in a distance Then, from the ruins he came to me- He was my true love, that in which I had found completion I felt alive again, There was unselfish love in my world still… Or was there? I looked deep into his affectionate eyes And there, I saw a reflection of her I shunned the sight I saw- It was true, she had betrayed me… For once there was no complexity involved His eyes showed clearly, and I saw exactly what she was An ugly betrayal had taken place, The mirror had been right, his eyes were right I had been living in a sweet illusion I bore in me a form of love that could never bring me true happiness- My love was seen not as an unconditional love, but an overbearing one! My eyelids clasped shut, and tears flooded my entirety My faith was lost forever- I broke the mirror And turned away from the arms I wanted to sink into- I yearned not for a love that followed the rules of practicality. Have you ever loved me…? As a friend? As a sister perhaps? Have you ever loved this girl who stands between ideology and reality; Ruined by her own concept of love And shattered in spirit beyond repair? And to all who ever loved me I had only one thing to say- “Love me not! For I know not your kind of love- To love dispassionately is beyond my capabilities.” I could not banish her from my identity still and hence, Mine was to be a life devoid of human love for eternity I wished neither to receive selfish love nor to give one seen as overbearing And on one cold New Year’s night My spirit screeched in agony as my soul left this body In my last moments, I had but one prayer on my lips: That the only concept that I had devoted all my life to existed And that the lord would cradle my injured soul And rock me deep into an eternal peaceful sleep. ****************************