They’d attacked her before, but had graciously stayed
sulking in their dark corner for nearly 6 months.
Wasn’t it bad enough that she had to live through it,
that she shouldn’t have to relive it in her dreams,
her nightmares?   They come at random; she couldn’t
hold them back whenever they came at her from the dark.  

She’d been enjoying another peaceful sleep next to her
boyfriend.  He never knew about her dreams; she didn’t
think that it was important if they never came when he was
next to her.  It had slipped in through her defenses, slunk
in like a dark shadow over her mind.  She was just about to
wake up, when it pulled her back under. 

His face flashed in front of her.  She pulled back--pulled
out of the dream and curled into Will. “Please hold on
to me.” she begged him.  She felt his arm around her,
and thought it safe to fall back into oblivion. . .but it
was waiting for her there. His hands were holding her arms
down, even as she struggled.  She could feel his breath on
her neck as he whispered into her ear ‘If you fight,
it’ll only hurt more.'  She knew it was true but it
didn’t stop her fighting. Please don’t hurt me.
she pleaded with him.  His hands were like spiders crawling
over her skin.  His fingers were insider her, scraping her
raw.  She screamed with fear as she kept fighting.  His
hands came back to hold her down.  All she could think was
Please stop! Please stop hurting me.  She fought as hard as
she could.  His hands were grappling for her so he could
placate her enough to get himself off again.  Suddenly, he
was gone.  The dream that tortured her, that left her raw,
had drawn back.  

She woke with a jolt.  She could still feel his disgusting
hands on her.  She shuddered with the same fear she’d
felt over and over again over two years ago.  She prayed it
wasn’t violent, that it was soft on the outside to
Will.  But when her gorge rose her in throat, she knew what
it had been to him.  She didn’t trust herself to move,
when he looked over at her.  
“What the hell happened?”  He looked more
concerned then angry.
“Nothing--it was just a memory, a dream.” She
tried to cover it up.  Her gorge rose again. “Jesus
I’m gonna be sick.” She leapt off of the bed and
ran to the bathroom.  He knew her well enough to stay back,
to stay in the room until she came to him.

She just sat there on the floor.  She wanted to crawl
away--make it go away!  The dregs of the nightmare calmed. 
The only thing that showed was her constant shaking.  She
had to go face her boyfriend.  God, she didn’t want
to.  It was her only choice. 
	
He saw her schlep into the room. His arms came around her
and held her like she requested. He waited for the tears
that he’d never see from her.
“ Are you going to tell me what happened?”  He
thought he knew.  He knew he knew.
“ No.” she simply said.
“ Marie…” 
“ No. Just leave it alone.”
He sighed.  How could he help her?  He couldn’t bear
seeing her hurt, see her shaking in his room when he could
do nothing.  All he could do was watch her struggle, and
shake.  All he could do was…nothing.

“It happened two years ago.  It wasn’t
necessarily rape…it was his fingers
not…um…him.” Christ how could she do this
without falling apart.
“ I figured.  What happened in your dream?”
“Just a memory.  Just a flash.  It doesn’t mean
anything.  Don’t worry about it.”  Just a dream.
. .just a dream. . .
“ You’re strong.  You pulled your hands out of
mine.  I tried to wake you up, pull you out of whatever you
were going through, but I couldn’t.  So I left you to
finish it by yourself.”  He felt guilt for not trying
a little harder to get her out of her fears.  
“ Did I really fight…hard?”  Marie
couldn’t help but feel shame and embarrassment.  
“ Yes.”

They left it alone.  She was still tired but she
didn’t want to dream again in front of him.  From that
night on, she couldn’t fall asleep as easily around
him.  The nightmares would attack her again, she knew it. 
They came less frequently now, then they did a few years
ago.  At first it was nearly every day that they put
darkness into her mind, but now, thank God, they only came
every few weeks, or months if she was lucky.   Will stayed
with her.  He knew about the abuse that she’d absorbed
when she was young, and he made it a point to show her that
he loved her, and wouldn’t ever hurt her like
she’d been before.  







* The ending is kinda wonky but i'll be working on it.*