The wind whistles and she shivers as she looks out at the
sky
She’s sitting there wondering why, she can’t forget
about him
She’s wondering to herself, and asking when it will end
It’s weird because she can’t tell her boyfriend
She doesn’t want to loose him and end up with nothing
But she doesn’t want to stay and realise she could have
something
The water of the lake ripples as the wind gently wipes it
Her reflection in the water shows her past, her past self
Flashbacks come and go
Happy days were she cried with laughter sad days, where she
just cried
Days where she wished she’d just said no
Wished she had listened to the people that cared
And now they had given up and walked away
Leaving all the closer times they’d shared
And leaving her alone again
Maybe she was a fake; maybe she was never happy at all
Maybe she had just grabbed any person that would come along
And turn on them, and not care back in case she got hurt
again
But turning on them did nothing, and it did cause her pain 
Just ignoring everything going on in the shadows behind her
He drifts in and out of her memories, and she cries
Bad memories have over lapped the good and nothing is worth
living for anymore
The darkness falls around her and the moon reflects off of
the water, her only form of reflection is a black outline
sat on top of the water, her face cant be seen anymore, and
it is best that way
Living is too hard, but death is all too easy
The moon falls and drifts behind a tree, blades of light
shine through the branches like sunrays, just not as warming
as they were in the summer. She hugs her knees into the top
half of her body and looks into the black water, maybe she
made a few mistakes, and said some inexcusable words, three
mostly, three that maybe she never meant, not at the end of
it all anyway.  
The owl in the tree retires to go to sleep, she wants to too
but her soul is always awake, she can never rest, not
without him by her side because it was always best that way,
he was the only thing she had to run to, the only thing that
cared. She lets go of her knees and lies back onto the grass
at the edge of the lake, she stares at the stars, thinking
of the times when she and him used to lay and do the same
things, painting pictures with them and laughing together,
happy. 
The memories are overpowering and she dreams that she is
there now, and he is too, holding her, making it all ok,
although she knows when she opens her eyes and looks to her
right, he wont be there, it would all just be a dream. 
Sleep isn’t the same, sleeping isn’t sleep, because her
mind isn’t at rest, it works, ticking over and over what
happened, what went wrong, who’s fault it was, why… 
Creeping into every little corner of her mind, checking
every second of each of her memories, crying, wishing, and
hoping to find something, never successful. 
Nobody knew how he made her feel, complete, whole again
Be it for five minutes or five hours, he loved her, and she
loved him, eternally.
The wind pulls the pain away and throws it back again, like
a ball on the playground.
Warmth spreads over her, and she feels lips touch hers, warm
and soft, him, not his.
Her boyfriend is there, and for the first time ever, she
realises that he loves her, cares for her, adores her,
eternally. Just as he said he did. But this time, its true,
and she realises that maybe, just maybe she was obsessed
with him, the first one. But not the last.  


© copyright, RYDER CB X