Depressed!, by egyptian_girl
|
here's a poem i wrote when i ws depressed one day last
year... i know it's not tht good but anyways it just
showed my feelings durin tht time
I'm not feeling well
knowing tht i'm in a hell
of problems and tears
but also worries or fears
sometimes when i sit there lonely
i keep thinking about people who're phony
who build a life of their own
and never worry or moan
|
| Posted: 2006-01-08 21:52:06 UTC |
| This poem has no votes yet. | To vote, you must be logged in.
|
To leave comments, you must be logged in.
| 2006-01-09 11:52:52 | Sylvian |
| There is one such thing as taking rhymes too far... I would rather ditch the rhymes, seeing that they diminish the poetic value of the poem and I would most definetly try to get some rythm into it... |
| 2006-01-11 00:54:31 | ~JaLeEsA lOvEs PoLkA dOtS~ |
| erm...it kinda sounds like a little high school girl poem...or like a dr. suess book...ham...sam...I am...get it? |
| 2006-01-14 21:00:36 | so_close_but_yetso_far |
| ummmmm. How can I put it? Your very new 2 this aren't you. You need to get a little darker. its to simple, you need a little more practice, like Jaleesa says. This is constuctive critisisim, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. luv sasha xxx |
| 2006-02-10 16:53:39 | ~~~~GLOSTARG~~~~ |
| Hi there I read this and get a visual of your poem making a good rap song! could that be feasable for you? I think poetry is alot of the soul within. yes I know therte is proper methods of writing poetry form and such but always never forget the soul within . ok? good job! blessings glostarg |
| 2006-09-25 08:24:48 | User |
| Totally agree with Sylvian..rhyming is not a necessity and sometimes it ruins the poem..I don't think the poem shows any depression..and probablt because it rhymes for the sake of rhyming only.. |
| 2006-09-25 08:25:04 | User |
| Totally agree with Sylvian..rhyming is not a necessity and sometimes it ruins the poem..I don't think the poem shows any depression..and probablu because it rhymes for the sake of rhyming only.. |