it was the face
that i tore off,
stomped on
and threw in the trash.
i couldn't take it,
i wasn't going to last.
lying and decieving,
perfection and blonde...
things i now must hate,
to aviod those awful years,
when i scraped all my true friends
off my plate.
what for?
alcohol and boys,
drugs and lust,
doing bad things
becuase they said i must.
like i was a puppy
i followed them around,
paraded myself,
and then fell flat on teh ground.
they didn't trip me,
i missed a crack,
and down i fell.
on my face.
and suddenly,
as fast as it had began,
i lost my place.
one difference
now i had nobody.
after two years of shit
my old friends were through...
and thats when i found you.
only... you hated me.
and you were like those plastic girls
who i desperately wanted to be back alike.
with my gucci bags
and white pants,
magazines
and terrible ways.
you were close enough
abnd stil lso far away
but it doesnt matter. you hated me anyway.

and time passed, ideas changed,
we became
the very best of friends.
and now...
we drift.
something crashed our raft 
right down the middle
split us in half.

you look for your acceptance
and i for mine.
you found boys and drugs...
i found friends, music, school and art.
of course there are boys 
and drugs tucked away in there.
i changed my clothes,
and dyed my hair.
i got a pose,
and as much as i hated popularity
this time it's different.
and as fake as it may seem
im happy here
maybe this is who i am?

but what good am i,
wiothout you?
and i dont even know what has happened
where you have been
what you do.
it's like
we're too different people.
i act like im not changing...
and im not.
anything new.
this is a process
i'm almost through.

but each day
i find someone else
new
to befriend.
first was sarah, and then came kendra
and following them
i bonded with brett
over sex adn syrup
skipping class
to hang out with him...
isn't that just sad?
then i capture vanessa, gained alex back...
met cassie
and soon after her
came along steph,
who i already knew also.
and all along there was james.

what a social whore
i have become...
i think i was searching..
for popularity
acceptance
and worst of all...
a replacement you.

so with my scars,
black makeup
black clothes
and bracelets
i have gained a group
and you... have what?

i dont even know.
and at night i cry
and ask myself why
why im such a horrid person
why can't i just keep on caring.
i know i care..
i pretend i dont...
so maybe
it just wont hurt as much.
to quote a song,
i'd love to be an island.. 
becuase an island never cries,
and a rock feels no pain.

and now im this ugly lump of coal
whose heart is no diamond
maybe in a little while
i will compress and create
make myself into something good
maybe this is my fate.

and this isnt what i had to be
you see,
the mofo blondes all adored me.
but then i changed
and went black
and now you see
i can never go back.
when you ditch the in crowd for the out
you are stuck...
on teh out
until there is something new...
like a brand new school
it was a new life.
a life i didnt want,
until i saw Brett,
and said that i need
to have,
and him i got
friendship from.

this poem is no longer making sense,
but my dearest friend
if you read this
please dont hate me.
i dont hate you
and i never could
i think i hate,
not having you around anymore.
i hate being someone new
you dont know me now,
not much do you?

nobody does...
not even me.
see why i hate fake?
it's becoming teh path i take...
only i convince myself this is me.
i like yu gi oh and pokemon,
donnie darko, alexisonfire
and coheed and cambria...
or sis i maybe
force myself to?

i don't remember...
do you?

xoxo
Kyelle