Populairty

it was the face that i tore off, stomped on and threw in the trash. i couldn't take it, i wasn't going to last. lying and decieving, perfection and blonde... things i now must hate, to aviod those awful years, when i scraped all my true friends off my plate. what for? alcohol and boys, drugs and lust, doing bad things becuase they said i must. like i was a puppy i followed them around, paraded myself, and then fell flat on teh ground. they didn't trip me, i missed a crack, and down i fell. on my face. and suddenly, as fast as it had began, i lost my place. one difference now i had nobody. after two years of shit my old friends were through... and thats when i found you. only... you hated me. and you were like those plastic girls who i desperately wanted to be back alike. with my gucci bags and white pants, magazines and terrible ways. you were close enough abnd stil lso far away but it doesnt matter. you hated me anyway. and time passed, ideas changed, we became the very best of friends. and now... we drift. something crashed our raft right down the middle split us in half. you look for your acceptance and i for mine. you found boys and drugs... i found friends, music, school and art. of course there are boys and drugs tucked away in there. i changed my clothes, and dyed my hair. i got a pose, and as much as i hated popularity this time it's different. and as fake as it may seem im happy here maybe this is who i am? but what good am i, wiothout you? and i dont even know what has happened where you have been what you do. it's like we're too different people. i act like im not changing... and im not. anything new. this is a process i'm almost through. but each day i find someone else new to befriend. first was sarah, and then came kendra and following them i bonded with brett over sex adn syrup skipping class to hang out with him... isn't that just sad? then i capture vanessa, gained alex back... met cassie and soon after her came along steph, who i already knew also. and all along there was james. what a social whore i have become... i think i was searching.. for popularity acceptance and worst of all... a replacement you. so with my scars, black makeup black clothes and bracelets i have gained a group and you... have what? i dont even know. and at night i cry and ask myself why why im such a horrid person why can't i just keep on caring. i know i care.. i pretend i dont... so maybe it just wont hurt as much. to quote a song, i'd love to be an island.. becuase an island never cries, and a rock feels no pain. and now im this ugly lump of coal whose heart is no diamond maybe in a little while i will compress and create make myself into something good maybe this is my fate. and this isnt what i had to be you see, the mofo blondes all adored me. but then i changed and went black and now you see i can never go back. when you ditch the in crowd for the out you are stuck... on teh out until there is something new... like a brand new school it was a new life. a life i didnt want, until i saw Brett, and said that i need to have, and him i got friendship from. this poem is no longer making sense, but my dearest friend if you read this please dont hate me. i dont hate you and i never could i think i hate, not having you around anymore. i hate being someone new you dont know me now, not much do you? nobody does... not even me. see why i hate fake? it's becoming teh path i take... only i convince myself this is me. i like yu gi oh and pokemon, donnie darko, alexisonfire and coheed and cambria... or sis i maybe force myself to? i don't remember... do you? xoxo Kyelle