Your suicide, by My_pain_your_thrill

I wish I had been there When you needed me Why was I always there When you needed someone And never there When you needed me? I didn't mean to go away When you were at that point Of life and death I would have stayed Or came back If you had only phoned me It didn't seem to be so bad We all thought that you would cope I never ever dreamt that the next time I saw you You would be hanging from a rope Did you not ever think That if you needed me I'd need you too? Your suicide was selfish Your suicide was cruel See your little boy? He doesnt see you A stone in the ground With 'fell asleep too soon' Is all he has to remember his dad He was only two And why did you do it that day? Your funeral was on my birthday Thanks for that gift I would rather have had nothing Except the knowledge that you were safe Your suicide was so baddly timed The first day of my holiday Amanda phoned me And simply said 'Neil is dead' Suicide, you were twenty one How could you leave me alone I was fifteen I needed to know that you would always be there If I ever fell And since you died, I have fell alot I am self harming again Another weakness I developed when you went away You had made me stop it Said I didnt need more pain Well, how can I not cut my arms When my cousin hung himself And my mum abandonned me at three And those are only two things on a very long list Your suicide left me to cope alone When you were abused by your dad I was there to help you My dad gave you a home When I was abused by my mums boyfriend You were there to help me Your mum gave me a home You see, we were this team We were there to help eachother Through all that pain So why did you have to fade away? I managed to live Would it be better if I died? Your little brother Simon is a mess His dad just died, and you weren't there To wipe his face You left him too Your suicide was weak And pathetic And I am so angry at you Because I cant do this on my own I needed you I need you I had to tell my dad that you had died And that you had done it to yourself And the death I saw in his eyes that second Was worse, than if he had died Because he helped you, everytime, he was there And the one time we were on holiday You needed us to be there Your suicide killed you But it killed me too And it left us all with a hole In our soul's That can only be filled by you (How I feel about my cousin commiting suicide) © Copyright Lianna Mackie