running in circles chasing my tail
sinners and saints all around me
echos of angels and the screams of demons
dawns and dusks
ressurections in dust
no peace without peace
the loss of trust
faith cracked but not breaking
wonder at who is doing the forsaking
soul aching 
needing release
please claim me
reaching for stars and tripping on diamonds
fallen into silken chambers
and velvet prisons
heart full of water for all tears I can't cry
smiles pouring out of my eyes
the next stage the next act th next play
another scene
so vulgar and alone so dirty and mean
so desperate and broken
so boxed and drawn
oh so empty now
and still moving on
left behind to unwind or unravel
reveal what i feel and fall victim to the gavel
urge to travel
bury myself under a cloak of dust
but it will not undo
what cannot be undone
inside a tomb of my own making
straining to see sunlight through doors i cannot open
and cannot close
who knows
maybe i already chose
is death really the enemy
when there is so much unlife around me
what is it that i cannot see
can not do
do not understand
what is the plan
i'm just a man
a bridge is built
but not complete
i walk as far as i can and wait for two sides to meet
cannot retreat
but cannot go on
beholding moonless night
seeking the dawn
a fawn, newborn and fleet
trying not to make a leap
must be unbound and invited
rectited the word of god before myself
spoke my soul unto heaven
awaiting questions to answers and answers to
fears
too many years
but not enough time
to find what it is that i need
while i am emptied out
and bleed
away the last drops that i hold dear
when you are near i am without fear
so clear and yet so clouded
shrouded in mystery
wrapped in epiphany
begging to be present and present the present
as intended
lonely but not alone
as once i pretended
offended by what i have done to myself and those for whom 
i care
as i stare into the mirror
i look back and see
another 16 year old self
the reflection of me
who i want to be
though back i cannot go
and ahead there does not seem to be
when i look in the mirror there are so many i see
not just me
but all of you
a crowd or two
a telling of a retelling
spelling out something i can't seem to read
but what i need
i cannot for sure say
though i want it so badly
i hide from the light of day
not ok
in any way
to live just like this
unsure of the cure
but it's always a kiss






....why does it always have to be a kiss???


the fusion of confusion
the melody of insanity
pouring through me
until i'm poured out
filled with doubt
and then
made empty again
scraped but not scrapped
as i'm burned and burnished
slowly remade anew
back to a self that was myself
i'm so sorry i lost you