for the first times
only happen once..
nakedness you’ve uncovered
left me bare
but not exposed
you would have never known
the passion
the truth
non-existant beauty...

under the masks you found me
stark and white
blistering cold..
you porimsed warmth
compassion, the world,
everything... gold.

you heard what i had to say
when my lips were not moving.
you saw the truth
when there was nothing proving.

you said you understood
and things were meant to be
i felt this sudden urge
to just be me.
you admired my quirks
and embraced the oddities i lived
you gave me new dreams
new hopes,
new understanding of the girl 
i should be.

you loved me,
or so you claimed
and i thought you had made me free
but the truth was
i was still chained to one other person
lost withing the recesses of me.

the sincerity i never trusted
and the truth never told.
i thought that you mean
i could never be sold.
and yet you ditched me now
for the better model.

and i wish for some reason
i never let this happen
that i never felt a flicker of
anything for you.
i wish beyond all i can
that this had never happened.

first times only happen once
and i can't help but feel
i've been had.
and i trusted you
i fucking trusted you.
first times sold
for a tiny thing
humans call, happiness.

xoxo
Ellie J