We used to 
be so in love
So infatuated 
with each other
No one else 
was part of our world
That was then
Things have changed
This is now
We yell and scream
I'm not even 
sure what about
I see 
black and white
I do not understand
these shades of grey
you pull me through
Our little annoying habits
I thought that 
we loved each other
I believed you loved me
I can't understand
and i don't want to
frankly
I can no 
longer get mad
Not now

I realize 
Every part of you 
makes up you
even the stuff
i felt destest for
previously
i miss now
And you are who I love
anmd nobody else.
but i stand here
hugging myself.

your teddy lays 
on my pillow
during the day
in the night
i throw that fucking bear
across teh room
and cry with all
that i might.
do you not understand
the simplicity of what i want?
i want you
and you are gone.
i did this
i asked for this
i followed James' sweet siren song
and i lost you
when i turned back
i wish i had
never ever
lost track.

we were going to marry
and we were to have babies
and it was s'posed to be happy
i fuckiung trusted this fleeting notion
of your devotion.
where are you now?
where the fucka re you now?

you left me stranded
disbanded.
and here i wait
red blood on the snow
i'll lay here forever
i doubt how long i'l lwait
you really know.

you were all that
i ever wanted.
you were all that
i ever was.

i'll hold my breathe forever
if its all that it will take
please don't hate me
i made a mistake.

xoxo
ELlie J